John Hersey Leadership Blog

This may sound impossible to you, but in many cases, it is true.  Not everyone wants to move on to a leadership position… and this is actually a good thing. 

Some people are more comfortable and much more effective in other roles; they know themselves and are intelligent enough to make choices that are right for them. 

There’s also the possibility that they do want to advance, but may not want your help to do it.

This is why contagious leaders should always ask for permission before mentoring someone, and this is something a good leadership speaker can’t emphasize enough. 

Permission mentoring is the habit of ripening aspiring contagious leaders.  Mentoring someone who does not want to be mentored is not only a waste of time but will deeply annoy the employee. 

Think for example that your teenage daughters love borrowing your clothes because they are so “cool”, and they just go and take anything from your closet at any time.  You would probably feel exasperated every time this happened; however, if they just asked, you would most likely and very gladly let them take anything they wanted. 

Well, the same goes for mentoring, you have to ask if the person wants to be mentored, and this is necessary for various reasons:

1.    Clarity

Simply to know, for sure, that the person is open to your mentoring.  Once a person says yes, you and him know you are the mentor, and your time will be worth spending. 

Even when you only want to offer a suggestion, you should ask the person if they are open to ‘suggestions’ or ‘a bit of mentoring’, before presenting it.  Just basic psychology. 

2.    Good manners

Not asking is simply disrespectful and invasive, and this behavior is never welcomed. 

Most people hate change because it is forced on them, this is why it is so hard to see it initiated spontaneously; thus, if you force mentoring, it will be basically, hated.

3.    Choice

Everyone likes to be given a choice.  We like to feel we can either accept or reject a suggestion, an opinion, or mentoring. 

A very strong energy arises when we accept something after seriously considering it.  A powerful commitment is established, everything is taken more seriously, people prepare more carefully, and the results are amazingly productive.   

Ensure you are ready to hear ‘no, thank you’ after you offer a choice, because you will hear it sometimes; so be prepared to accept it.   

 4.    Politeness

It is always polite to ask.  Since a while back, business has become a very bad-mannered arena.  Once you start asking for permission in your company, the environment will relax in unimaginable ways.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 15th, 2010 at 3:24 pm and is filed under Behavior, Coaching, Culture.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.