John Hersey Leadership Blog

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element.  It is my personal approach that creates the climate.  It is my daily mood that makes the weather.  I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous.  I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.  In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized.  If we treat people as they are, we make them worse.  If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

Personal responsibility over one’s life is not a new concept, however it is much easier to blame others, or fate, for a failed marriage, an unsteady job history, or financial bankruptcy, than to accept that our personal choices have led us down the path of utter failure.  In fact, blaming external situations for our personal catastrophes has become so popular that we only need to turn on the TV to find endless examples of this disheartening behavior.

Nevertheless, there is a select group of people that rejects to be a part of this crowd.  The happiest and most successful people on earth, the people who get things done and make history out of their lives, true leaders, know that life is about personal choices.  These individuals take responsibility for their choices and the resulting consequences. They choose to control their destiny instead of letting fate or other people tell them where, how, and why they are headed in a certain direction.

True leaders know there is a choice behind every circumstance, even when they are not directly responsible. They accept responsibility for their actions or the lack thereof.

If you want to become a leader, the first step is within you.  You have to accept control and choose power over these:

1.    To win- Leaders are identified because they choose to focus on the possibilities rather than on the problems.  When faced with obstacles and failure, a real leader will overcome them and learn from them, turning them into opportunities.  Only these individuals will be truly successful.

2.    The perceived reality- Most facts in life are highly subjective and dependent on how a person perceives them.  The world is seen by each individual as he or she is, not as the world is. This is why it is very common to get trapped inside our own reality groove and unable to see the possibilities beyond.

3.    Personal outlook- The optimist always expects the best to happen and gets the positive out of every situation, while the pessimist lives on the negative side and always imagines the worse that could happen.  Even though we were raised into one or another, it is up to us to decide how we want to see our circumstances and the world today.

4.    Let go of harmful emotions- Leaders know they are responsible for their emotions.  It hurts less to think that others are to blame for our anger, resentment, or jealousy; however, this makes us prisoners of our emotions.  Humans tend to dwell on negative feelings, thus, for our own health and happiness, we have to learn to let go.  For our own sake, we have to learn to forgive and forget.

5.    Thoughts- We are what we think.  Thoughts become things.  By choosing our thoughts consciously we are directly affecting our reality.  Thoughts become actions, actions become habits, habits shape our character, our character dictates our circumstances, and our circumstances define our future.

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It has been proved.  The best leaders are the ones who understood the super powerful truths in regards to trust:

-    People do business with people they like.
-    People like people they trust.
-    People trust people who have a clear level of compassion and capacity.

Trust is not a matter of time but of level of caring.  Once people feel you truly care about them, they start believing in you.  The best way to show you care is by listening to them, truly listening.

A leader is one if he has followers; otherwise he is just a boss.  No matter how many titles you hold, if your people don’t feel acknowledged and cared for, they won’t trust you, thus, they won’t follow you, and they will do the minimum.  They will be waiting for you to fail, and they will even work to make you fail.

Most people don’t know how to listen, and it is not their fault.  Yes, it isn’t.  Experts agree that the first five years of a child’s life are the most productive in terms of learning, in those five years we learn more than we will ever learn during the rest of our lives.  If during those five years a child doesn’t feel adults listen to him, he will not be a good listener himself.  How can you learn to listen if no one ever taught you?

Here we arrive to the crucial point.  Good listening is a skill that has to be learned; we are not born with it.  People follow by example, thus, in order to create good listeners, we have to become one.

And how do we learn to listen?  Pretty sure, not at a seminar.  We have to work with what we have, and what we have is the capacity to make sure people feel heard.  In order to do this, we have to be conscious about distractions and consciously avoid them.  While an employee is sharing his ideas, you have to stop thinking about the size of his ears, and if you’re talking to a complaining customer, make a conscious effort not to focus on her eye tic.  Yes, our minds tend to wander under any excuse.

Once you are able to avoid distractions, you have to learn to get rid of preconceptions.  Stop believing that all blondes are stupid just because everyone says so, or that a certain employee is trying to steal your job.  Normally people need just the right opportunity to start giving their opinion and sharing their experience as the solution to someone’s problem.  Right there, the person doesn’t feel heard, he feels judged, and you have lost him.  But what exactly did you do wrong?  Well, you took away their uniqueness the minute you knew exactly what the problem was, prompting them to insist on showing you how special they are and making them resist your lead.

When people talk you are thinking about yourself and what you can do to help them help you.  This is when you start convincing people instead of making them agree with you.

True leaders make people feel heard and feel special.  They make others feel important, thus, they are important to those others.  Once you start focusing on how people really feel about what they are expressing, you start caring for them much more, and suddenly, you become your best self… you become a leader.

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Any company that cares for its personnel and recognizes their value as the moving force behind its business’ success, especially during hard times, will definitely invite a motivational speaker to boost their pride and knowledge.

By planning a seminar for your employees, you are surely working towards improving your company’s productivity, sales, and image.  In past years, a company’s worth was thought to be on the equipment it possessed. Today, people are a company’s insurance for success so, instead of upgrading equipment, the leadership team should be working on upgrading its staff’s performance and quality of life.

Yes, motivational talks not only improve performance, skills, and motivation, but they also improve the way in which the individual perceives his life and the world around him.  Through these talks, you are demonstrating that you care about the person behind the job title. Employees feel valued, and in turn, it makes them value your company much more.  This is why it is important not only that you hire a motivational speaker but that you hire the right one.

But, how exactly do you hire the right speaker to benefit you as much as your staff?  Here is how:

1.    Research locally
Due to budget, and even more so if you are making this a regular practice, you should research local motivational speakers, because they mean savings in travel, lodging, and professional fees.  However, NEVER sacrifice quality to practicality.

2.    Look for referrals
Good motivational speakers are widely known in certain industries.  Make sure you ask your colleagues and acquaintances for referrals, and go into several motivational speakers’ websites to read the testimonials.  The best way to find the best is by listening what others have to say about him.

3.    Do not judge by the website
Remember that websites are a source of information that reach many people, thus, they tend to be ‘general’.  Most motivational speakers tailor their presentations to fit a company’s specific needs and are open to new ideas and proposals, so it is imperative that you talk to them personally in order to know exactly what they can do for you, your staff, and your company.

4.    Ask what other things they offer
Some motivational speakers who also happen to be authors may offer their books at a special price or as part of the deal.  They may also add one or two free coaching sessions after the event.

5.    Ask if they can provide a breakout session for a lower cost
Since the speaker is already on site, sometimes you can talk him into delivering a short breakout session for a different group in the company after the main event, for a much lower cost.  The speaker’s main goal is to satisfy his clients and give added value, thus, flexibility is the norm.

6.    Ask for permission to record the event
In this way you can make it available for new employees and use it, when pertinent, in future events or for specific training sessions.  You can even invite some clients over and show them the material so that they can experience your staff training vision and mission, reinforcing your image and professionalism.

7.    Maybe you can pay the speaker with your product or service
You may not be able to negotiate the whole fee, but perhaps part of it.  If you work or own a hotel, restaurant, or spa, the speaker may want to exchange some of your services for his.

Thinking about your staff’s wellbeing and professional growth is a priority if you want to succeed in today’s business world.  No more are business and life two separate things. Nowadays, one complements the other and are intrinsic to mutual success.  Consider this the next time you are thinking about ways to boost your people’s inspiration, and let the motivational speaker do his job.

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As the bestseller author Melody Beattie states:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Gratitude is not a Thanksgiving Day or Christmas time ‘thing’.  Although these special times of year are all about consciously counting our blessings, gratitude is a way of life, a habit we must get into so as to get the best out of life and the people around us every single day.

Showing gratitude is the best way to spread positive feelings around you.  Think about it for a minute:

How do you feel when someone expresses a sincere thank you for something you did?  Doesn’t it make you feel great?  Positive feelings lift people up, increase their enthusiasm, and motivate them to achieve more.  Reaching a goal starts with a single positive thought.

Gratitude can have a very positive snowball effect that keeps you and others moving forward towards achieving your goals.  It is a selfless and lasting feeling that will inspire you and others around you for a long time.  When being grateful to others, be open and expressive, so that they truly know how you feel.

No one should be taken for granted.  A good leader shows gratitude for even the smallest things. It could be just a verbal ‘thank you’, a note, or a small gift; the important thing is to recognize the service others give, in order to create a strong and loyal relationship.  It is fundamental to learn how to express gratitude towards others, however it is equally important to learn to accept it from those around you.

Gratitude prompts better communication and interest in helping.  Everyone understands a word of love that comes from the heart.  No matter how constructive criticism is, it may put people in a defensive state, but if you employ a grateful attitude, it can really do wonders.  By highlighting what you appreciate in people, it is easier to talk to them about what they need to improve.

Being grateful is a practice that requires training; this is why it is a great idea to keep a gratitude journal.  You should write on it five things you are grateful for every day.  Maybe today you want to acknowledge how grateful you are for your health, for your family, friends and colleagues, for your finances, for your personal accomplishments, for your intelligence and ingenuity, for the things you love, or for your freedom to dream.  The more you write the more you will start being grateful for the smallest things.  Showing gratitude every day will change the way you think, and will benefit you and others around you.

When you are thankful for what you have, you will get more of it.  If you center on what you lack, you will never have enough.

Gratitude makes you appreciate life and keeps your thoughts positive, so that you cherish everything you have and acknowledge the people around you as valuable human beings with lots of wisdom and valuable ideas to share.

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